Another season in the atrocity that is Serie B has come to an end. After a brief hiatus from the league, Serie A regular Dom (Arsenal) has taken the title in Serie B, earning himself a promotion back to the top division. His +29 goal differential was more than twice as much as his closest competitor, so the result was well deserved. After Dom, the table finished extremely tight. A couple of our new players, Nana (Manchester United) and Omblique (PSG) finished 2nd and 3rd, respectively. They weren’t quite able to bring home a championship in their inaugural season, but the good news is, they have both escaped purgatory and can start playing some real fútbol next season. Infamous (Barcelona) is the final team in the top four, as he narrowly edged out Shady (Real Madrid) on goal differential.
It’s definitely a tough break to miss out on Serie A via a tiebreaker, something that yours truly can relate to from last season. However, on the bright side, Shady can remain competitive with the rest of the scrubs instead of wasting a season in Serie A that can only have one outcome. After Shady, we had Dodgerbub (Chelsea) in 6th, Swanson (Liverpool) in 7th, and Chef (Zenit) in 8th. All three teams will be joining the top five in the Europa League. For Dodgerbub and Chef, that may be acceptable. For Swanson? Mr. quit the league to avoid relegation Swanson? Mr. use Serie B to tune-up against bums to prepare for Serie A Swanson? Somehow, I don’t think 7th place is what he had in mind. After several guarantees of winning the league, Swanson could not even deliver a promotion spot, and a crippling 4-1 loss to the trash commish late in the season was the final blow for Swanson’s Serie A hopes. There’s always next season sir.
And now, we get to the worst of the worst. The guys who are only participating in FIFA so the league can have enough bodies to successfully run. The guys who can’t even qualify for the lowly Europa league and have very little chance of getting promoted, much less winning anything of real significance. These teams are Pom (Borussia Dortmund), Troy (Bayern Munich), Danny (Spurs), Brandon (Juventus), Nick (Manchester City), Jeezy (Atletico Madrid), Crack (Lyon), and Bahanag (Inter Milan). To be fair, Troy took over after the league had already started, but still, with Bayern at his disposal, a 10th place finish is unacceptable. And Bahanag had to leave midway through the season, so perhaps he would have finished a spot or two higher. Everyone else, myself included? We just STINK.
Here is the final table:
Here is the final tally for the Golden Boot:
Here is the final tally for the Ballon d’Or (2 points per goal, 1 point per assist):